August 8, 2019

Sometimes, I don’t actually try my best…

I’ve recently found myself struggling to locate my previous levels of motivation in relation to going to the gym, running, walking further than the fridge. You know, normal every day “fit life”…

Obviously, the first and most ideal choice was to look at Pinterest for some instant “Motivation”

“Do it for the after selfie”

“Do it for the revenge body”

“Be the badass girl you were too lazy to be yesterday”

“Wake up beauty, it’s time to beast”

Well, that was all I need to hear, only 3 hours have passed I’m already ripped and getting ready to run a Marathon.

Okay, it’s the internet and everyone lies on the internet, roughly translated the above means – “I’ve ripped my skirt and I’m going to powerwalk to the shop to buy a Snickers, which for your information used to be called a “Marathon”.

I’ll cut to the chase because this introduction is clearly getting entirely out of hand and far too honest for my liking. But, in all seriousness, I’m not actually trying my hardest, sometimes I go to the gym and I don’t even try at all.

There’s been day’s when I walk on the treadmill or the Stairmaster (really slowly) and just watch Instagram Stories. Or sometimes, I give up and go and sit in the sauna, wearing whatever ridiculous swimsuit I’ve packed that day. The thing is, I no longer feel GUILTY for my behavior. This is my journey, if I want to potter along, at the pace of a snail pulling a trailer of peanut butter, that’s my problem. I don’t actually have anything to prove, to anyone but myself and that’s actually where it all starts and where it ends.

Yesterday we went open water swimming, I was tired and suffering from upper body DOMS, rather than let this affect my mood, I took a different view. I decided that I’d have a relaxing Sunday morning swim, I’d let everyone overtake me, I’d think about mundane topics like Instagram and online shopping. The end result was perfect, I was more awake, suitably refreshed and I hadn’t used a whole lot of my precious energy. I’m not actually defeating the objective of working out if the end result is making me happy.

I do want to improve and there are days when I actually push my limits, I’m coming out of my comfort zone and feeling great about my effort. It’s vastly tempting for me to compare myself with my peers, with the old me and with strangers on the internet. But, that little addiction did nothing but eat away at my self-esteem and mental wellbeing, these are two things I take very seriously.

As a matter of fact, I’m a realistic person and you should be too, it’s genuinely okay have an off day and want to return home and slump with a bar of chocolate and cup of tea. I also want you to remember that you don’t need people on the internet to valid you or what you can or can’t achieve.  Yet, from time to time I find myself sucked back in, scrolling through endless pictures of perfectly composed shots, I suppose that old habits really do die hard.

Katie

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