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  • Writer's pictureKatie Brown

Why your relationship with yourself really matters…

Love is strange, isn’t it?

As humans, our brains are wired in such a way that we can easily fall in love, or form an intense feeling of deep affection for someone else. The wonderful thing about love is that it brings out feelings of willingness, trust, tenderness, and kindness. But, on the other hand, it’s not always a magical fairy-tale and life really isn’t actually a Disney movie, sorry.

Because love for another isn’t always about you.

Sometimes, when you’re in love you’ve got to back down and remember that real love takes continuous effort. To put it frankly, simply loving and being with another person won’t “save you”. However, chances are so much higher if you trust in loving yourself and focus on “saving yourself”. Or in other words, just enjoy being you.

That’s not to say that being in love with someone else isn’t a nice place to be, because it bloody well is. But I guess it’s even better if you’re not battling inner demons along the way. Of course, I don’t know the true answer to that yet, I’ll let you know when I’ve found my way.

Real self-love is hard and most of us don’t get it.

Ah, self-love – It’s so much more than a bubble bath and reaching a certain weight because you “love yourself”. It’s not something you can buy, no one else can make you feel that way, although they can guide you. I guess once you own that feeling, it’s up to you to keep paying the rent. On the other hand, what’s due if we can ever reach that pinnacle? True self-acceptance and kindness are tough and extremely rare. Listen carefully to the people who claim they practice self-love, only those who truly feel that way will be consistent. Most people are quick to say “I’m really happy with myself” only to hit a brick wall a week later. I’m one of those people, I know all the signs, and you can’t kid a kidder.

Sometimes I hate myself and it’s the most uncomfortable, draining and painful feeling, I genuinely wonder if anyone could hurt me as much as I can hurt myself. But, at the end of the day, I’m all I’ve got. I can’t expect someone to always pick me up once I fall, I need to pick my goddam self-up. I don’t ever want to rely on “Likes” for self-value or validation, because they I pick past all the bullshit I tell myself, I’ve actually got a lot of good stuff going on.

Remember, we’re not in control over how others see us.

We’re also not in control over how we genuinely make people feel. I’ve spent a lot of time focusing on trying to make others happy, constantly searching for that uplift to bounce back on myself*. Then, all of a sudden I remember, I can’t expect people to have the same heart as me. So, I’m better off focusing that love on me. After all, if you’re going to make an investment, it’s best to make that investment in the right place, I’m with me forever, we can’t break up, we can’t have a break, I wouldn’t cheat on my husband, so why should I cheat on myself?

***Can I just add, there’s never ever an excuse to be unkind towards others…

Loving yourself isn’t vanity, actually its sanity.

By talking to yourself like someone you really love, you actually release your full potential and gain the confidence to thrive. I know this because on the few times I’ve actually spoken to myself kindly and followed the promises I set myself, I’ve felt so much better as a result. Can you imagine what an interesting place this world would be if we all realised our value? Or our true potential? So many of us watch the world pass by because we’re too scared to trust in ourselves, so we’ll invest that self-belief into someone else.

To round it up, I guess, in some ways you really need to love yourself to get things done in this world. So, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to give working on that, my very best shot.

Katie x

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