Dear Diary…
When blogging is your job, it’s easy to get caught up in trying to create content that is meaningful, helpful and interesting. Yet, sometimes it’s nice to just drift off into another world and read words of honestly and talk about life on a more personal level…
Right now my mind is darting off in so many different directions, not unlike a pinball machine! I’m on a loop of the wedding, blog work, my main job, relationship, friendships, my body, health, Instagram and Twitter.
Money has been on my mind a lot recently, with the impending Wedding I’m very aware of unexpected costs and how I should be spending any extra cash. Sometimes I’m lying in bed at night fretting endlessly about my dress, worrying no one will show up, wondering if the food will be good enough? Will my dress fit? Will my period fall on that date?
Continuing the subject of money, I used to spend money to feel happy, I’d go out seeking a high only to return home and feel disappointed again. So, I had a MASSIVE clear out of 70% of my wardrobe. There were so many impulse buys, unworn clothing and pieces that no longer fit, I felt so free. I noticed that as I’ve been a rollercoaster of emotions recently, dressing up and making an effort is something I’ve let slip massively, by having less clothing, I actually have more, as each piece is carefully considered. At the same time, I started clearing unwanted electricals, old camera’s, old phones, bits and pieces I’d picked up over the years, as someone who’s a hoarder this has been far more therapeutic than I realised. I wonder why we hold onto junk?
The other night I pushed myself to go to the gym. I had 110 reasons why I shouldn’t and despite the fact I’d forgotten my hand towel, water bottle and spare knickers, after my workout I felt 180% better. I ignored the nagging doubt about my less than perfect body, forced myself to look at my angry workout face and reaped the benefits.
Last week we have visitors at the office, in the form of two temporary office dogs. This brought me so much joy, I loved having them around and took them for a walk at lunch, or could it be that they took me for a walk, I’m not entirely sure? My partner has been saying that an office dog is a good idea for years now, as ever, he’s right!
I’m still not enjoying running and the frustrating thing is that I’m the only person who can change this. To fall back in love with running I need to make it my escape, my happy place and cut off the stream of negativity I’ve created surrounding this pastime. Talking of running, the whole ‘Asics Front Runner’ situation on Twitter a few weeks back, left me saddened by the running community and Twitter. I never, ever want to see people be referenced as a ‘fat ‘See you next Tuesday’ (I’m not typing that word) on my feed again.
Moving swiftly on…
Friendships aren’t something I’ve really spoken about on my blog, but I find them hard and I know for a fact sometimes it’s my fault. I’m terrible at keeping in touch, then I’m far too afraid to make contact again for fear of rejection. I work from home and there are only 13 people at my office, no one really talks at the gym (and I don’t blame them). I’m awkward, sometimes I try too hard and other times not enough and my mental health battles mean that sometimes I’d rather just hide away at home. I made an effort to attend a local blogging event this weekend, I’m glad I went as staying at home felt like the much easier option, if anything is going to change, it’s me that needs to be pro-active and make that change.
Whilst writing this I’ve let my herbal tea go cold and locked myself out of Twitter, I suppose I best go and eat some hot buttered crumpets and think about everything for 5 minutes…
Katie
x