I felt I needed to talk about something different today; something closer to heart because I think that sometimes the wider picture is missed.
My post’s this week have disappointed me, not because I publicly shared my insecurities but due to the fact I’ve let my insecurities affect my week. The online world means that if we so wish we can create this amazing persona, tell people that our lives are brilliant and only post careful pictures of us looking perfect to fit with the ‘I’m beautiful, intelligent, sexy and popular’ persona.
Personally I think the same applies with sport, everyone wants to be the girl who is first, the girl who never trips up her own feet and can wear tiny booty shorts without them riding up to show the world her peaches. Or the girl who can lift more than her man, then sprint 5km without breaking a sweat and complete that yoga move to warm down in total perfection. That girl also wear’s luluemon, lot’s and lots of perfectly coordinated lululemon and her hair is never out of place.
I questioned myself on why I was losing my mind on a tiny error. The fact I could not run for a week was not going to turn me into a hippopotamus over night but they way I wrote implied I followed that trail of thought. As I lay in bed last night restless, over thinking and cursing myself I wondered if I was advising myself what would I say?
I’d tell myself not to waste time worrying, I’d tell myself if my body need’s a lb or two more then that won’t make any difference. I’d tell myself not to be insecure and that maybe I was looking at situations the wrong way, I’d tell myself things happen for a reason and if something bad happens then something good will happen after.
The same situation applies not just with my body but with work, despite news papers advising we are on our way out of the recession here in the UK, my line of business has been hit hard. On a daily basis there is a team of us broking, advising and working harder than before for less income generation and more time; sometimes it’s impossible not to doubt oneself.
Wait up…can we just go back to the start and talk about the cool girl for a moment?
The cool girl will appear in everyone’s life at some point, there are ‘cool girl’ bloggers I love and envy and ‘cool girls’ in real life that I also really like and envy a tiny bit..
Being a Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth while somehow maintaining size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl. Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl.
I’m going to be honest, I know the cool girl well because I’m old enough, honest enough and real enough to admit that I was once portraying that girl. If we would hang out and you where male I’d stuff a burger and diet (or worry) for the rest of the day, I’d flirt with you because I knew it would get a reaction – Men love flattery and if they think you’re a tiny bit interested (even if your not) then you’ve formed a Harlem. Once I turned up at a venue after a busy day at work, I was not wearing a mini skirt or killer heels but a demure feminine dress with girly sandals and a natural face. I tell no lie when I type that a queue of men formed to give me a hello hug (Note:Partly as a comedy moment) but my confidence soared as I was ‘The Cool Girl’, I often had a guy with a cool car ready to take me on a date, people happy to let me climb with them, regular friend requests and a mega watt smile.
Back to reality, I’m an average looking girl, with a normal figure and a heart of gold but whilst I was trying to be ‘The Cool Girl’ and cracking dirty jokes whilst trying to live off 1,000 calories a day I was the most unhappy I’d ever been. I wish I could go back and tell the old me that I never had to do that, I never had to layer on the charm, layer on the make up or spend ages fussing about what I would wear…I should have just been me and let people accept me for that.
Self confidence and acceptance is not something we can just nip down to Tesco’s and buy…
Sometimes I don’t push my blog link on others as I don’t want to appear ‘pushy’ or ‘just looking for views’. I don’t post a rubbish run because I felt slow and ‘hopeless’ and I’ll climb something I know I won’t enjoy because I need to prove a point that I can physically capable rather than be comfortable in my own private ability.
‘You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it’s got you nowhere. Try accepting yourself and see where that get’s you’
Following that if I was going to give myself more advice I’d say to remember that if someone is not accepting of who I am, then that’s fine because there’s always someone else who is. Even if that ‘someone else’ is me; I should take care of my body and mind as it’s the only place I have to live.
If you have had a similar experience or story please link me up because I’d love to hear? Otherwise please share your views with me, I know I’ve covered a lot of scenario’s here but I know I’m not alone and we should rejoice in that fact!
*Pictures taken from Google – If you own or would like these removed please let me know